You’re not Alone

Many people quietly live with the pain for their loved ones who struggle with addiction.

This can even apply to those who have a loved one with mental illness. Often the focus is more on the one who is lost in sickness and addiction than of the one who loves them. The mother, father, child, sibling, spouse, friend, enabler, the codependent whatever the relationship, comes with many burdens, sleepless nights, worry, stress and sadness.

Important structures of a healthy relationship are damaged as well as self image, trust and self worth. No one can escape hard times, we all have them, everyone makes mistakes, which we can learn from and grow.

However done over and over they’re no longer mistakes they become choices. No growth happens here, stuck in a loop going no where. We allow, enable or ignore out of ignorance, security, fear and control.

Where your attention goes, energy flows. This quote is strong and true. Indeed if you spend all of your energy and time worrying about someone else’s issues, they are now yours as well. But at what cost will you carry the weight of others? Will you sell your soul?

you cannot save people you can only love them

In my experience as a light worker, I find that most of us are carrying other peoples energy. We are polluted with someone else’s shit! I have also found that we tend to fill up on others good energy as well. Energy vampires! We are carrying so much of others energy that there is little space for our own. Leaving you feeling unbalanced, fatigued, insecure, powerless, stressed, even physically sick and in pain.

Now you have become as sick as the addict. They are suffering. Know this, when you are upset with them and their pain comes out as anger towards you, this is suffering within themselves.

There is nothing you can tell an addict that they haven’t already told themselves over and over and over. When you are in the middle of this dysfunctional loop, you can find yourself just as lost, you too can lose your soul. You will find that if your able to shift your focus onto your own energy, in the space you've now created within is now compassion that you have for others who are in pain.

This is a great podcast that I (Shanna) listen to when I’m struggling with finding that compassion or empathy, check it out! https://loveoveraddiction.com/

What can you do?

First you need to know that you do not have the power to change another? We were born with “free will”, you cannot heal or save them. Even I have to correct myself at times describing myself as a energy “healer”, true healing takes place within, I give energy assistance. There’s no amount a love you can give to someone that can make them change. It is best for us to be in our own suffering and allow others the same. It's within the suffering, that we grow.

Secondly you need to understand that each of us have our own journey and purpose. You must be able to separate yourself, your “soul” from another’s soul. You gave physical life to your child, but they were a soul before entering this world. What you want for them or have dreamed they will do or become, may not line up with the their souls path. Joining together in “holy matrimony” does not mean you own each other’s soul, it means you entered a legal and sacred partnership, you each still have your own soul’s purpose in life, and should support this. Your parents happiness and wellbeing (unless incompetent, elderly and cannot care for themselves) are not your responsibility, you did not cause it, you cannot cure it and you certainly cannot change it!

As an Empath (highly sensitive to others energy) I often recite to myself “I am me, and you are you”, or “this is yours, and this is mine”!

My letter ...detaching with love

I do not belong to you, I belong to no one, I have my own soul, my own life, my own mind, body and purpose. I am on my own journey, I walk my own path, I make my choices, I am in control of my emotions, thoughts and actions.

I choose what I want, I can support and protect myself. I am enough, I am allowed to care for myself, I don’t have to do for anyone except for my children, you are not a child, I cannot make you happy, that is your responsibility. I will not let you put your unhappiness on me. It’s not mine.

Your behavior is a result of how you feel about yourself, what is inside of you. I have peace within, and no one can steal that from me, I will protect myself and my self worth.

What I will give you though is space, space to discover healing and peace for yourself. I will also give you compassion, I see you, I see you’re suffering inside, but it’s yours, I cannot and will not take your pain and suffering. Only you can heal yourself.

It is not mine.

I know, sounds kind of harsh... well after years of taking others pain and suffering, it feels free and powerful to be able to write those words and mean it!

The best thing you can do for someone who is struggling, is help them find their own light and energy within themselves. Some live on the positive energy of others, but one can only live on the energy of others temporarily.

You are doing more harm for them then good. Be mindful and protect your energy, then they will have to learn to fill up themselves, instead of depleting your energy. Giving them the space to find their own energy is a greater gift than giving them all of yours.

Many people in my life have decided to choose recovery and many haven't. As much as I hope others decided to change their lives, it wasn't until I stopped trying to change others and work on the only one I could change and that was ME! When you change everything and I mean everything changes around you.

Self Love

DO YOU!

There is no end to working towards a happy purposeful life. We should never stop educating ourselves ‘, we will spiritually grow for eternity. You can start here today, one day at a time.

This begins with the “self”. The one you can change for the better, the one you can help, the one who can make a difference. YOU, who has given yourself so freely, sacrificed your own happiness, time, love, life and energy for others. It’s time to take back what is yours and let others experience what they are lacking in themselves.

You can choose today to release yourself from the burdens of another, in this you not only free yourself but have given them space within themselves that they now can fill up on their own. We have to take back control, or maybe it's taking control for the first time and take responsibility for the energy we have and for the energy we put out to the world.

Focus on YOU!

I cannot express the importance of SELF LOVE! If you don’t understand what this is or how to obtain this, message me, it’s my souls purpose as a light worker to assist in helping others find self love and connecting to the soul! Show kindness to yourself, learn to forgive yourself, and let go of all that does not serve your soul. Spiritually cleanse your energy field, energy centers (chakras), many of us have an entire lifetime of stored energy that needs clearing.

This can be a difficult, long but empowering process of healing yourself! As you rid of old negative energy and unprocessed emotions, you become lighter, balanced, you will have more energy, you feel and look better, your relationships are healthier, change and growth occur. You can experience the stillness and peace you need to connect with your soul and the Creator, and start living your true path and purpose. We were not put on earth to carry the cross of another’s.

You can still love and support those whose suffer without taking on their issues and making them your own.

Detaching

With love…

You may have heard the term “detaching with love”, this was a hard concept for me to understand at first but once I did, was one of the most powerful tools I’ve ever learned. You emotionally and sometimes even physically need remove yourself, have a safe place, this could be a room in your home or at a family or friends, a place you can practice coming home to the self.

“If someone communicates their boundaries, that is them trying to keep you in their life, not push you away.”

—unknown

You are not detaching from your loved one, but from the disease of addiction, no longer a prisoner to someones else’s pain and suffering. This allows them to take responsibility of there own, or my favorite line let them sit in their own shit!

Have you ever had an argument with someone who has had one to many? To find that they can’t even remember the confrontation the next day.

Choose your battles

Save your energy. Hurt people try to hurt people. Be unfuckwithable! No one can actually make you feel anything, unless you allow them to. As much as we should not take on the energy of others, its important to value and protect your own energy as well. Having clear boundaries is a powerful tool, it will show others that you have self respect and self worth. Weak boundaries will be broken over and over so make them strong and stick to them!

Practice “protection” exercises, for example visual mirrors that face out, that completely surround you. Such visual exercises not only serve as protection but allow another to reflect on themselves.

Learn to “pause” and check in, before engaging. Speak with love and compassion and only from the soul. There are many tools to help you, learn and use them! You are not only changing yourself but your entire life, you become an inspiration of strength and hope to others, as you transform yourself it will not go unnoticed.

It takes patience, courage, it is not easy nor comfortable but if you change nothing, nothing changes.

Support

You’re not alone…

Seek support, AA and Alanon have supported and help addicts, their family and loved ones successfully for years, it feels good to know that someone else is going through the same.

The 12 steps are life changing if you commit to doing the work! If you don’t want to physically go, they have online meetings. Find other support groups! Believe me we’re not alone! Read the “Big “book or other self help books like Codependent no more and other like books.

Seek counseling! My therapist once told me years ago that the majority of her clients more times than not are in therapy because the ones around them who really need the help refuse to help themselves!

Join a yoga class, meditate or receive Reiki, connect with your soul! It can be hard having friendships where your world seems to be upside down, some may even isolate from friends and family, don't let anyone steal your happiness, go be you, do you! Find supportive friends who won't judge.

There is nothing more painful than to watch a loved one suffer, I have been there. I pray that my words have comfort and have encouraged you if even just a little.

Continue to be strong, and find your light within and know you are not alone.

Shanna