written by Mande Nantkes
This was one of the worst but proudest days of my life. I'll never forget the Centennial Airport closing down for the arrival of my brother.
Sadly he was coming home in a box. My family stood hand in hand with tears rolling down our faces and goose bumps on our skin. The plane looked small in the distance but then got bigger and bigger and louder and louder as it approached us. All I kept thinking was is this really happening? He was suppose to be landing on American soil weeks prior for the birth of his daughter. This can't be happening!
This is the shit you see in movies. This doesn't happen to us. Then the plane landed and it felt like it took hours for the door to open. Then we saw the coffin being lifted out by a group of very young soldiers. The moment we all saw the coffin I could hear the weeping and cries get louder.
It was then that it all became a reality. These men began their ceremony and flag folding. I remember thinking how straight faced they all looked. I didn't understand how they could be so stoic. I wanted to tell them they didn't have to be so professional and brave. I wanted to tell them they could cry if they wanted. I wanted to tell them they could show emotion because you could see their hands shaking and you could see the sorrow and fear in their eyes.
My heart was aching so hard for my mother, my father and for Ryans wife who was home with their new baby girl. Then as the men placed his casket into the hearse I remember thinking, "wait what.. where are we going what are we doing?
It was then we all rushed into separate cars and headed off the runway. We exited the airport and it was then that my sadness subsided for a moment and I felt nothing but utter proudness! I saw a large group of veterans on their motorcycles and they whipped out in front of us and behind us to escort us to the funeral home. Where did they come from? Who told them about this? Why are they doing this for us? I looked around and thought "damn Ryan I'm so proud of you!" He had become such an elite medic and such a man of honor.
He had gone from graduating from high school and being unsure about what he wanted to do to being one of the best in the United States Army! I was a very proud sister.
As we approached Parker Funeral home the officers and the Veterans lined up as we entered the building . They all took turns thanking us and shaking our hands. I didn't know any of these men but for a moment I felt like I did. They seemed like friends. They seemed genuine and empathetic and like I could just crawl into their arms and cry like we had been friends for a life time.
We all slowly went into the building. I remember my brother Jason and I looking at each other like wait what's happening? This feels like his funeral and it feels like so many more people than we could have ever imagined cared and were effected by his passing. It felt wrong. It felt like the community was needing a goodbye and wanted to honor him. It was in that crazy moment we decided to start planning a funeral.
Wait? What? This is my little brother. The sadness again took over. I had no idea his body had been completely prepared and that they were going to open it for us to view him. When they did I was so scared about what I was going to see. I didn't know if my young children should witness this. It all happened so fast. It was then ... My parents front and center stood over Ryan. My moms cry became more of a whaling. My dad got quieter as the day went on. My aunt never left my moms side. We all took turns looking. Ryan looked peaceful and he looked good. We didn't love that they fixed his crooked nose and we didn't love the amount of make up on him but over all he looked good. We placed the picture of his daughter on his chest. He was so excited to become a dad. He couldn't wait to put her on his chest.
The day went on and the planning started. We didn't know what the hell we were doing we just ran with what felt right in the moment. We were all tired and broken. For me the hardest part was the look on my mothers face. Ryan was her baby. Ryan was her best friend. These pictures are from Ryans funeral days later. They speak volumes which is why I posted them.
This is the sacrifice Ryan made for the United States of America. He loved his country! I could not be prouder and more grateful to all the men and women that served or currently serve. I did not know much about the military and the commitment and harm you place yourself in front of. I didn't know the sacrifices the wives and children and mothers and fathers make. I didn't know about the things these men see and endure while fighting. I didn't know much. All I do know today is that Veterans Day and Memorial Day mean a lot to me.. More than I ever knew it could or would.
Today I say thank you to my brother and to every single human that has served this country. Thank you thank you thank you! It is you who makes this country and this soil so sacred. I wish I could hug every single one of you.
I pray no family has to go through what mine did and that no parents have to loose their child, that no wife has to loose her husband and that no daughter has to be born into this world and never get to meet her daddy. I pray our worlds hate and wars end and that not one more solider has to come home in a box.
That's all. That's my prayer for the day. Love you all. Let's be kind and positive and put all differences aside. Look for similarities not differences. The one thing we all have in common is we love love! Tap into that energy this month. Love from that heart space.