The passage of time often grants us the invaluable gift of introspection. Reflecting on my life a decade ago, I recognize a version of myself that was anxious, sleepless, and burdened by pain. I constantly rushed through life, neglecting self-love and self-care. I was the dependable "yes" person for everyone, but I lacked the necessary boundaries. My self-awareness was minimal, and I struggled to connect with my soul. The feeling of spiraling out of control was ever-present, leaving me feeling like I was drowning, yet I remained stubbornly resistant to asking for help.
“Suck it up,” I would tell myself, “put on your happy face and a little makeup and keep going.” It felt like I was starring in the reality TV show The Amazing Race, racing toward a nonexistent checkpoint. There was no grand reward awaiting me.
My only refuge was the bathroom, where I would take long baths, allowing my fingers and toes to wrinkle as I hid away from the demands of life. I knew all too well that soon there would be knocks on the bathroom door, phone calls, dishes to wash, laundry to fold, diapers to change, and kids needing to be taken here and there.
Taking advantage of every second of peace, I soaked in the bathtub, feeling exhausted. Lost in the stillness, my tired eyes glance at the orange bottle of Philosophy (brand) bubble bath. It was nothing new; it had previously sat in the same corner of the tub for many baths. Curious, I sat up as my eyes focused on the words on the front of the bottle. I reached for the bubble bath, which had stuck to the tub. Tears started to hit the now cold bath water, yet a warmth came over me as I read:
“Begin Again. You took the right road and ended up in the wrong place. Begin Again. You reached the top of the mountain only to find yourself at the bottom of a new one: Begin Again. You dotted every ‘i’ and forgot to cross your ‘t’s. Begin Again. You loved with all your heart, and it got broken anyway. Begin Again. You won the race, but they gave first place to someone else. Begin Again. You followed your North Star and ended up at the North Pole; Begin Again. You achieved a big dream: Begin Again.”
It was such a profound moment, one I will not forget. Life is busy and, indeed, has its ups and downs. I realized that I needed to slow my roll, cry it out, make space and time for myself, take long baths long drives home from the grocery store and, accept an olive branch, be brave, and ask for help; I’m not alone, and neither are you.
Slow down and find a moment of stillness each day for yourself, whether it’s to journal, sit outside, talk a walk, read another chapter of a book, or maybe read the label on your bubble bath. Had I not found that moment of presence and stillness in the midst of chaos I would have missed this beautiful, lasting message of Divine wisdom that came from my bubble bath.
Shanna Vavra -Sense of Soul